Sometimes, it is all about timing

My daughter wouldn't pick up a pencil to write anything (barely even her name) until she was about 10 years old.  She hated writing.  She got caught up in the misspelled words or word choice--the minutia.  She couldn't see the big picture.  Now, at 13, she is quite a prolific writer.  She writes pages and pages.  The change did not occur because I gave her writing assignments or forced her to write.  It was serendipity--the right thing at the right time.

In April of last year, she attended a writing workshop (at my request) held by a dear woman who is gentle, yet firm.  Some kids respond to her methods, some don't.  My daughter responded--big time.  I can point to that workshop as the day she became "a writer."  She continues to attend these monthly writing workshops.  They are stand-alone workshops with a rare optional assignment given.  Today, my daughter's written stories are full of wonderfully descriptive words (many still misspelled), loads of detail and characters with personality.  The amount of time she spends on writing ebbs and flows, but I do not give her any direction or "assignments."  I am merely a consumer of her writing.  I listen when she asks and give ideas when she asks.

She had a similar experience with reading.  She did not really read until she was 9.  The more I pushed, the more she pushed back.  The day she said, "I hate reading," I pulled back.  Then, on her 9th birthday, someone gave her a book that she liked and read.  From that point on, she considered herself "a reader" and she enjoyed it.  Now, she is always reading several books at once and loves to read.  It was again, the right thing at the right time.

In school, kids are not allowed the luxury to wait for the "right thing at the right time." If they are not progressing at the normal/approved rate, they are labeled and everyone starts working on a "plan" to get them up to "grade level."  Of course, this approach alerts the child to the fact that they are not progressing "on schedule" and there is something wrong with them or they are not smart enough.

I know that some kids have real learning struggles and I am not dismissing those that need special help in crossing hurdles.  However, I do think that people are individuals and have different schedules for when they "get" things.  Will it hinder my daughter in her life that she became a reader at 9, rather than 6?  It doesn't seem so.  However, would it have hindered her life if she had been surrounded by people telling her that she was "slow" or people who kept pushing her every day to read when she wasn't ready--making her feel dumb?  I think so.

All the pushing in the world does not make the "right time" come any sooner.  If kids are allowed to blossom at their own rate, I feel they will have the self-confidence they need to be successful.